Through much self reflection and many counseling appointments, I’ve learned I lean into disorganized attachment, but mostly avoidant attachment due to my childhood. I just wanted to say thank you for writing such an eloquent piece that captured very well what it’s like to be have an avoidant attachment style. Thankfully I’ve done a lot of work over the past five years to move closer to a secure place and thankfully my boyfriend has done the same which has allowed us to become more secure in each other and at the same time address and heal some very old wounds. Thanks again! And wish you the best!