There’s No ‘Right Way’ to Live Your Life
One of the most impactful lessons I’m beginning to comprehend is that a life well lived is a life lived authentically, whatever that looks like.
One of the biggest hurdles I’ve encountered is thinking my life is supposed to look a certain way. I’m supposed to be ‘normal’ and my decisions need to be made accordingly. But with all of my attempts at having a ‘typical’ life/career (go to school, have good grades, get a fancy piece of paper and get a ‘good’ job), I’ve still managed to go into a completely different direction.
Let me give you an example. I am a bartender with an M.B.A. When I say this, people think I’m planning to make a name for myself in corporate America. But the truth is, I don’t want to work in an office ever again. Been there, done that, didn’t like it.
What do I like? Reading, and writing. Hence why I started writing on this platform in the first place. My first attempt at self-publishing and monetizing my writing. The best part is, that it worked! I make money from Medium. Who would have thought that was possible?
There’s an inkling in me that says I’m meant to create something. I’ve had that feeling since I was a kid. And now, it’s telling me it isn’t a crime to like bartending, be good at it, and currently make a living from it while allowing the time to write to my heart’s content. I’m even thinking of taking a chance at freelancing. Funny enough, I have a Translation Certificate and editing experience. I freaking translated and edited a book for God’s sake! How is that not enough?!
I used to think it wasn’t. I used to think I wasn’t enough to make these dreams come true.
Who would have thought that after imagining being in business for myself (hence why I went to business school) I would pursue writing? And most importantly, believe that I can do it. That is what has held me back for so long. Not believing. Not believing I’m a good enough writer, editor, and translator. Not believing that I could make it work.
I’m very thankful for Medium because it has proved me wrong. People like what I write. They identify with it and tell me they are thankful that I wrote a certain piece. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have over one-hundred followers.
I’ve been my own worst enemy at creating a life that is meaningful and satisfying because I thought that if it didn’t look like a 9–5 it wasn’t good enough. It wouldn’t be considered a real career. It wouldn’t make me worthy. I thought if I didn’t spend hours staring at a screen within the walls of an office building, what I’m doing isn’t something to be proud of.
I can now say with certainty that I am genuinely happy to be where I am. Living on my own, being able to afford it by doing something I enjoy. And having the spare time to create a business by doing something I genuinely love, writing.
To some, this may seem silly. How come you couldn’t just go out there and start living your life how you wanted to? Unfortunately, some of us are indoctrinated and need to spend time within ourselves to gather the courage to say ‘I want to live my life on my own terms.’ Not the one's family, friends, co-workers, or society dictates.
For some of us, we grew up in households that made us believe if we weren’t listening to our family’s wishes, we were bad. If we disobeyed we were unworthy. If we question things, we were disrespectful and ill-mannered. Some of us grew up believing the lies that said if we followed our hearts, we were selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate, dumb, naive, etc.
That’s not to say our parents, family, and friends don’t care about us. They do, but people can love you into mediocrity; staying stagnant, not really going anywhere in life. Or going down a path that makes everyone else happy but you. That’s a very dangerous place to be because it brews bitterness. We become bitter toward ourselves and the world and believe that we no longer have the opportunity to turn things around.
That’s also a lie because we can choose to change things at any point in time. That’s what I am doing now at twenty-seven years old. Yes, I am young, but there’s a part of me that feels some regret at not having been this courageous before. At not having this awareness of myself and my interests sooner. However, I do realize I needed to walk the path I’ve been on to get to this point. I’m glad I carried on because even though I feel I have wasted time, I still arrived at the place I feel I’m meant to be.
I’m meant to type my thoughts and feelings onto a keyboard and share them so that someone may learn something from my mistakes, circumstances, experiences, etc. I believe I was meant to share all this so that people may gather the courage to think for themselves. And perhaps giving them that push, knowing that they are not alone, makes all of the tough, difficult moments worth it.
I believe I was put on this earth to make an impact. I’m finally accepting that the method I can use to do so, is through my words. Who cares that I bartend in order to provide for myself? Nothing and no one can say I can’t turn my writing into a career. Only I get to decide if I succeed or don’t. And I believe I can and I will.
There’s no rule that says someone can’t be or do multiple things. For the longest time, I believed I was only allowed to pick one thing. Once I decided, I had to stick with it whether I liked it or not. Turns out that kind of thinking will make you miserable. Some of us are able to tolerate that feeling. But me? I can’t. Now that I have lived and seen otherwise I refuse to go back to that misery.
I will be a bartender for as long as I enjoy it and work my writing business. Why? Because it is the way I best express myself. The way I feel most connected to my purpose. I’m done trying to deny or suppress that part of me. I tried to distract the feeling that called for me to write, but all it did was highlight how I wasn’t honoring it. As time passed I saw the effects of it. The less I wrote, the less connected I felt to my soul.
That’s another dangerous spot to be in. Because if we do not know what we are missing, we will search and try ways to either fill that void or numb the feeling of emptiness. Too many of us are doing this right now. Instead of filling ourselves with what makes us feel purposeful, we do so with distractions. Trying to convince ourselves we’re okay, but we’re not.
I want to leave you with this, something my counselor told me some time ago that I’m grasping more and more. ‘Live a life true to yourself no matter what it costs you.’ Take some form of action every day that aligns you with your purpose, no matter how far you may think it is. No matter if you think it’s ‘too late,’ I promise you it never is.
